Insecurity Alert: Boyfriend’s Need to Prove Intellectual Dominance Over Girlfriend

Relationships can be tricky, especially when one partner wants to “test” the other in areas where they aren't equally matched. One man is wondering if, by pointing out he was smarter than his girlfriend, he made the wrong choice.

Here's The Story

OP is a 24-year-old who is dating a 23-year-old woman. Recently, OP says his girlfriend has become “obsessed” with testing him in areas of intellect. She'll bring him puzzles, crosswords, logic riddles, and math problems. OP says then when he outdoes her 95% of the time, she gets “frustrated.”

He says she's even begged him to play chess and “other intelligent games,” and throws a tantrum when she loses. OP is at a loss as his girlfriend “used to say that she liked me because I was very smart.”

At his wit's end, OP told his girlfriend to “stop testing me and accept that I am smarter than you at these types of games.” OP says his girlfriend started crying and called him a condescending **** . Even when OP tried to explain that his girlfriend has strengths in other areas, he says it seems the damage was done.

Now OP wonders if he really is TA.

Reddit Has Opinions

@Dommichu thinks OP could have said it nicer but still gotten his point across. This isn't healthy for either of them to be at odds without it being even remotely fun. OP should have just told her that he's done playing these games with her because her attitude stinks. He didn't need to twist the knife and essentially say… ‘SEE! I'm smarter than you so stop trying'…”

@DeiiDei2 wants people to know what OP said. “He didn't say ‘I'm smarter than you.' He said ‘I'm smarter than you AT THESE GAMES.' Those are not the same statements. There are some games (ones that do require intelligence) that I have a 10% win rate at. There are other games, which also require intelligence, where my win rate 90%. Both require intelligence, but none of them indicate overall intelligence, nor do any of them indicate worth.”

Redditor @jimandbexley thinks OP's girlfriend may have some surfacing insecurities.

“If anything OP should be talking to his gf as she may have had recent things bring on some insecurities? It's supposed to be a relationship not a contest.”

Reddit user @jenna_grows thinks OP is “gaslit in the comments.” “The logic is flawless. This person is in a competition with her SO. She wants to beat him to prove she’s ‘smarter'. He’s complimenting her on what she’s actually good at. But he’s an AH because EQ, literature and aesthetic aptitude are ‘coded-feminine.' My husband happily tells me and anyone else how much smarter I am than him. And I have to chime in and go ‘he means ACADEMIC smart' because he’s smarter in other ways.”

In The End

Sometimes we say things that we immediately wish we could take back. In OP's case, however, he did qualify his statement to include that he was only discussing the games she insisted on playing with him. What his girlfriend heard, however, may be up for debate.

Do you think OP was wrong for being so blunt with his girlfriend? How would you have handled the situation?

Read the full story here.

This article is produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.