People are entitled to express themselves through their clothing choices as long as it does not cause any harm or disruption to society. However, it is reasonable to expect guests to adhere to a dress code appropriate for a religious event or ceremony in a religious building.
Reddit user u/ModestyQuandry wants to know if she's wrong for telling her friend not to come to her wedding due to her dress choice.
The Scoop
OP, a 23-year-old Muslim woman, was excited to share her special day with her friends and family. She and her fiancé, a 25-year-old Muslim man, had found a mosque that could perform their nikah (religious marriage) and civil marriage. They sent out invitations to their loved ones, including their close non-Muslim friends, requesting that all guests dress respectfully and be covered in accordance with the mosque's dress code.
However, one friend, Ellie, refused the dress code, becoming increasingly aggressive in her response. Ellie insisted that she would wear whatever she wanted, regardless of the dress code. OP tried to explain the importance of the dress code and respecting the mosque as a place of worship, but Ellie wouldn't have it.
Ellie sent OP a message, telling her that she would wear what she liked and that OP would have to deal with it. OP found herself in a difficult position. She didn't want to exclude her friend from her wedding, but she also didn't want to compromise her own values or the sanctity of the mosque. Ellie's tone was quite upsetting, showing that the friend wasn't willing to compromise and would not back down from what she wanted.
An Ultimatum
OP wrote her a message, saying, “Ellie, I can't make you dress appropriately, but if you don't, then you can't come to the wedding.”
Ellie's response was swift and harsh. She immediately began texting the group chat, expressing her shock and disappointment at the decision. In her messages, she accused OP of excluding her from the wedding for “stupid reasons.” She claimed that OP had an “agenda” against her because of her atheism.
OP had no issues with Ellie's beliefs and completely accepted her as a friend. OP and Ellie have known each other for seven years, and Ellie had never acted out like that in their entire time as friends together, leaving OP wondering if she is TA.
Public Opinion
Another atheist, u/mammaistired, thinks OP is NTA. While it's fair for an adult to have their own dress choices, as a friend, doing what's right for your friend should be paramount.
“It's your wedding. Nta. I am an atheist. If I go to a religious wedding, I wear appropriate clothes. I won't wear religious clothes, like a cross, but if you want my collarbone and wrist covered, that's fine. It's showing respect for other people's traditions and cultures.”
u/Petitelechat thinks OP did the right thing. Ellie had to respect OP as a friend and her religious wishes.
“Definitely not! I was invited to a Sikh wedding at a Sikh Temple and had to dress modestly with my head covered (I am a Buddhist, so not used to head coverings). I even Googled what was appropriate to wear to Sikh Temples.
Did it without a fuss, and I was honored to be able to be invited to the religious ceremony. All I had to do was watch on. I was not offended and was excited to match my head covering with my outfit.
OP, your friend is being ridiculous! You're not a bridezilla, so please don't feel bad.”
Dress code is an important element of a wedding day. It is a huge day for the bride. The bride wants her friend to respect her decision and the sanctity of the wedding venue. Is she asking for too much by telling her friend to dress appropriately, or is that the barest minimum?
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This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.
Boloere Seibidor, fondly called B.S. is a Nigerian-based writer and poet. Her favorite topics to cover include music, especially Hip-Hop, film, lifestyle, and fashion. She's been published by Feral Journal, Fantasy Magazine, The Temz Review, and most notably, Wealth of Geeks. She enjoys romantic dinners, movie nights, and touring new sites. When she's not writing, she's delving back in time to the underground world of Hip-Hop, watching TikTok, or visiting the cinema.