Wedding Party Politics: Can the Bride Exclude Fiancé’s Daughter as Bridesmaid?

Blending families can sometimes feel like climbing Mt. Everest when you're approaching the ‘big wedding day.' Getting married is supposed to be a fun, wild celebration of two lives joining together. But, when one partner has children, and the other doesn't, learning the ropes of what is and isn't acceptable can be difficult. One lady online, OP, is finding this out firsthand the hard way as she combats her soon-to-be husband's wishes to include his daughter in the bridal party. The daughter is eight years old, and he is upset.

Here's The Story

OP says that her and her fiancé have been together for three years and that, in order to save up for their wedding, they are planning their nuptials for 2025. Her fiancé has two children, a son who is five and a daughter who's eight.

OP's fiancé is planning to have his son in his wedding party and when OP said she didn't want his daughter to be a bridesmaid, her fiancé got a bit peeved and has been giving her the cold shoulder.

OP, who claims to love the young girl ‘to bits' is already having a hard time narrowing down who she wants in her wedding party and truly doesn't think at ten, her fiancé's daughter is going to want to stand up with her during the entire ceremony.

Now, OP's fiancé thinks she doesn't care about his children and OP is desperate to clear the air.

What should she do?

A Jr Maid?

User @homofelinus thought allowing the girl to be a junior bridesmaid was a great idea. “Can include her in hair/makeup or the limo, lots of little ways that could make her feel special and wanted on this very big day for her as well as OP.

OP definitely YWBTA if you don’t make this effort. As a parent this needs to matter.”

@bestestbruja agreed and even added another alternative. “Junior bridesmaid would be a super easy way to include her. I agree that having her get to participate in all the “get ready” activities is also a really good idea.

And unless OP and fiancé are being super traditional with the makeup of their wedding parties, they could also consider her standing as a groomswoman on his side.”

What's His Deal?

User @VonFanculo took a totally different stance from most posters saying OP wasn't TA, “Am I the only one that sees his reaction as being rather juvenile and controlling? To me this is him waving a big red flag in her face. No way is she the AH.

‘he got really upset saying it’s not fair that his son gets to be in the wedding party and his daughter doesn’t'

So does OP get to be really upset that it's not fair that she has to make his daughter a bridesmaid because he made a unilateral decision about it? And he is already **** about any role other than bridesmaid as not being ‘fair?' “

@hotstrawberrytea thinks OP is definitely NTA.

“I don't really see it as controlling but I do think OP is NTA. OP does want to include the daughter in the wedding, just not as a bridesmaid. I was a flower girl when I was 10, and I had fun! and I felt included and important.

I don't understand how OP's fiance and a lot of people in the comments jumped to the conclusion that OP didn't care or want the daughter to be included in the wedding when she does want to include her. just not as a bridesmaid. why is that hard to comprehend?”

User @Iamnotreallyamember wondered why the dad didn't include his daughter himself. “I don’t get why the dad doesn’t include the girl in his wedding party. It’s 2023 and they’re not in high school. It doesn’t have to be boys vs girls.”

In The End

With nearly two years to plan their wedding, these two have a chance to compromise and ‘come to terms' with what each child should be able to do to participate in their wedding.

Redditors online gave them plenty of options and having the young girl be a junior bridesmaid seemed to be a favorite. In 2023, however, the list of alternatives is vastly increased compared to thirty years ago.

The biggest issues are including the daughter in a way that truly makes her feel accepted and loved, and making sure both bride and groom are kosher with the choice and in agreement before the wedding ever takes place.

Do you think the bride-to-be is right to deny letting her fiancé's daughter be a bridesmaid? What would you do differently in this situation? It is 2023, and making new traditions is more socially acceptable.

A thread inspired this article.

This article is produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.