Parenting is something that everyone has to learn by themselves. One can read all the books in the world and get all the advice about how to be a good parent, but until kids come into the picture, you never really know what you are in for.
Of course, some people feel that they know what good parenting, or in this case, real parenting looks like.
One person online, OP, wants to know if she made a mistake by telling her friend's partner that what he was doing wasn't “real” parenting.
“Real” Parenting
OP's 31-year-old friend (Luke) and his partner (Kai) decided to take in two boys (five and three) under their care about two years ago.
According to OP, Luke had a good job and made a lot of money. He also helped set up Kai's business, so Kai could quit his job and focus on his business and the boys.
Now, OP and her husband don't have children, but they have lots of nephews and friends with kids, so in her words, “we know some things.”
The five-year-old attends preschool, while the three-year-old attends a part-time daycare. Luke and Kai also have a nanny, and their parents help with babysitting a lot.
According to what OP knows, Kai takes care of the kids most time, and when he is working at home, the nanny does the babysitting. The parents also have a routine that apparently works for them.
Tea Time
OP and her husband went over to Luke and Kai's for tea time because Luke was working from home.
After tea time, and when the kids had gone to play, the grown-ups started a serious discussion. Kai was talking about how, in the beginning, he was worried about finding the balance between everything, but now everything was falling into place.
This was where OP gave her two cents, explaining that for her, everything Kai was doing with the kids was “just having fun.” She said he could have decided not to work and take care of the kids himself. She concluded by adding that if Luke was not there to finance everything, Kai would not be able to take care of them.
Kai left after OP said this, while Luke got mad at her, saying she overstepped her boundaries. OP's husband also thought she went too far especially knowing how anxious Kai was when they first had the kids, but OP thought she was giving her point of view and “helping them for the future.”
People Online Are Shocked
u/Critical-Musician630 is of the opinion that OP is TA.
“YTA! Oh my God! These two people restructured their entire lives to take in 2 children! What is your actual problem?
You don't even have kids! From the sound of it they are doing absolutely amazing. All of those fun trips are a chance to teach their kids and enjoy time with them. I can not believe you actually judged their parenting. Wow. Harsh doesn't even begin to cover it.”
Another reader concurred with the above comment, writing:
“Exactly!! From what OP has written he sounds like an amazing father. It’s okay to need/want help. But he goes out of his way to spend time with his kids. This is not okay OP. YTA completely!
You sound jealous and bitter…I’m just not sure where it’s coming from.
And I’m sorry, but your nephews and nieces don’t count…at the end of the day, they go back home. Even if they spend the night, they still go back home eventually. You obviously have no idea what being a parent is actually like.”
u/Prudent_Plan_6451 thinks OP is TA for assuming that for Kai to be a good dad, he has to be a stay-at-home dad with no help.
“I have worked from a home office for 30+ years. When my daughter was 4 months old I went back to work (husband got 3 weeks paternity leave which was considered generous at the time). He didn't think we needed a nanny since I “was right there.” He had an injury so was working from home for a few days. On the first day I scheduled meetings out of the house that I had been trying to arrange for some time.
He was a very active father, fully capable of child care. After 1 day of trying to juggle child care with work he was convinced. We hired the nanny the following week.
YTA especially for assuming that Kai needs to be a stay at home dad with no help. His partner is equally responsible. Sounds like they are doing great. Keep your judgy McJudgynose in your lane and out of their business.”
Parenting may seem like an easy topic to broach to anyone, even those without kids. In this case, do you think the viewers online are right? Did OP, lacking experience, overstep and give unsolicited advice to the new parents?
A thread inspired this article.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.
Boloere Seibidor, fondly called B.S. is a Nigerian-based writer and poet. Her favorite topics to cover include music, especially Hip-Hop, film, lifestyle, and fashion. She's been published by Feral Journal, Fantasy Magazine, The Temz Review, and most notably, Wealth of Geeks. She enjoys romantic dinners, movie nights, and touring new sites. When she's not writing, she's delving back in time to the underground world of Hip-Hop, watching TikTok, or visiting the cinema.