Losing a parent is a deeply challenging experience, and navigating the grief that follows can be overwhelming. This is especially true if the surviving parent starts moving on. Suddenly, you can find yourself at the center of a family dynamic you no longer recognize or understand.
One woman has been unable to recognize her family since she was five — when her dad died. Her mother moved on, and moved on quickly, to be with someone who already had other children of his own. Not just any children, though: he had sons. Sons that, for this man who was supposed to be her step-father, were the only gender worth keeping around.
Mother Abandons Daughter
Once John, OP's new stepfather, moved into the house, OP was moved out. Her mother took her to live with an aunt and would come to visit once a month. Her brother, though, was able to stay at home with their mother, John, and his kids because he was the right gender.
Thankfully, her aunt and her husband raised OP like she was their kid, making sure she had all she needed. OP finished college and got a well-paying job. She started living alone in a lovely house, helped her aunt and uncle renovate their home, and always sent money to them.
OP is now 35, living independently and is financially comfortable. Recently, her mother reached out to her through Instagram, wanting to reconnect. Her mother's message sounded genuine, and OP was hopeful this was legitimate. Despite being abandoned, she still wanted and was open to, repairing a relationship with her mother.
But once she met with her mother, she realized nothing had changed. As her mom went on about her life, she learned her mother and John had divorced and she was living off alimony payments. OP's brother had already refused to help their mother, so now she was turning to OP because it's not just that she's living on a fixed income: she has heart issues she needs extensive, expensive surgery for.
Then, she asked if OP could cover the cost of the surgery.
OP knew she had the money to cover the surgery, but after a lifetime of being ignored, she couldn't bring herself to help.
Her mother didn't take the rejection well, calling OP a terrible daughter and saying that she was “letting” her mother die. For as bad as she feels, though, OP isn't sure she owes her mother anything. To find out whether or not she made the right choice, she turned to Reddit for advice.
u/PJfanRI says that OP is NTA and that she owes her mom nothing,
“NTA. She abandoned you; you don't owe her a thing. I'm calling bulls–t on the heart problems, by the way. The fact she abandoned one of her children demonstrates she has no heart. You're better off without her.
Another Redditor u/connicpu comments on how they would rather pay the bill to the hospital than give the money to the person asking for help:
“Personally if I was even going to help a relative pay for surgery I would never transfer them the money, I would ask them to forward me the bill to pay the hospital directly after they get it done. No funky business that way.”
u/Far-Cup9063 thinks that OP's mum is a gold digger who wants her money and nothing else:
“NTA. Your mom didn’t want a relationship with you. She wanted your money. And she would have expected you to support her for the rest of her life.”
u/Osidestarfish shares the sentiment that her mom wants her money:
“This exactly, she wants something and it’s not a relationship. The first husband was her ATM, which was worth more than her child, now her ATM is gone, she taught her son to be the same money grubber that she is, and he kicked her to the curb now that she’s on a fixed income. Now OP is nothing more than the next ATM.
Mom needs to get a job, health insurance and figure out life for herself.”
The feeling of abandonment runs deep and can scar one for a really long time, especially when it came from someone as close as a family member.
Redditors have spoken on this, declaring OP NTA. But what do you think?
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.
Boloere Seibidor, fondly called B.S. is a Nigerian-based writer and poet. Her favorite topics to cover include music, especially Hip-Hop, film, lifestyle, and fashion. She's been published by Feral Journal, Fantasy Magazine, The Temz Review, and most notably, Wealth of Geeks. She enjoys romantic dinners, movie nights, and touring new sites. When she's not writing, she's delving back in time to the underground world of Hip-Hop, watching TikTok, or visiting the cinema.