Being in a relationship with someone involves a bunch of sacrifices and compromises at different levels. People would argue that if you aren't ready to compromise and sacrifice for someone else, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.
This woman and her boyfriend want to move in together, but the thought of moving into his one-room apartment isn't working for her. Now, it is causing issues in the relationship.
Moving in Together
OP lives in a two-room apartment with about twenty-five houseplants. When she met him, she was a remote worker and was doing fine on her own.
He, however, was unemployed and was living in a one-bedroom apartment with three cats.
After four months — and her boyfriend landing a new job — their relationship seemed solid. Solid enough that he proposed they live together. She had no issue with that, except they would stay in his one-room apartment for three months until they found a bigger place.
Cats and Plants
Her houseplants mean a lot to her, just as her boyfriend's cats mean a lot to him, and she has no intention of sacrificing them for him. A one-bedroom apartment isn't enough room for plants, cats, and their stuff.
But now her boyfriend no longer wants to find a bigger place. He believes living in his one-bedroom apartment
Her boyfriend, however, believes that staying at his place for a few years would be “more cost-effective” so they could save money to buy a place together.
But if they're both working, she doesn't see how they wouldn't be able to afford a bigger place and be able to save money. Staying at his one-room apartment with three cats and over twenty-five houseplants for any longer than three months was just out of the question.
According to her boyfriend, she's delusional for thinking moving into a two-bedroom apartment (the same size she was affording just fine on her own) wouldn't “slow them down.”
She tried to explain why that plan won't work for her. It's not just that there won't be enough room for their stuff, but she cannot handle being in one room with someone for long periods of time. She needs space and a one-bedroom apartment with another person would drive her insane.
But relationships involve a lot of compromises, right?
OP wants to know if she's wrong for refusing to sacrifice and move in with her boyfriend.
A Grand Scheme
So far, people don’t think that she is wrong. Not only do they blame her boyfriend, but they also think he’s manipulating her.
u/FortuneTellingBoobs shared an insightful opinion on why they probably shouldn’t move in together, asides from the fact that his apartment was small.
“NTA. I'm not going to tell you not to move in with a dude after only 4 months together, because I did it and we've been together 25 years, but maybe you shouldn't move in with this dude after only four months.
He doesn't seem to have a solid financial head on his shoulders. He could easily rent out his one-room place for a profit, and you'd both fit and work quite well in your larger apartment. It's basic math.”
Another person u/columbospeugeot is worried that this might be a grand, evil scheme to get her to pay the bills.
“Boyfriend doesn’t sound very financially savvy. Even before dating exclusively, you were helping him out with bills, and he stubbornly wants you to move into his studio apartment instead of something more practical.
I suspect this is because he can be free to quit his job and make you pay the utilities, etc. Has one of his arguments been, ‘It’ll be more cost-effective because I already own the apartment, so all you need to do is pay the other bills’?
Beware, OP. Do not move into his studio apartment for your mental and financial health; do not rent another place with him unless his name is on the lease and half the bills. NTA. Protect yourself.”
In The End
Sometimes, the line between compromising, making sacrifices, and outright manipulation can get very blurry.
Everyone thinks OP should be wary not to rush into any long-term commitments with a guy she barely knows. Hopefully, she will make the right decision.
What are your own thoughts on this?
This thread inspired this post.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.
Boloere Seibidor, fondly called B.S. is a Nigerian-based writer and poet. Her favorite topics to cover include music, especially Hip-Hop, film, lifestyle, and fashion. She's been published by Feral Journal, Fantasy Magazine, The Temz Review, and most notably, Wealth of Geeks. She enjoys romantic dinners, movie nights, and touring new sites. When she's not writing, she's delving back in time to the underground world of Hip-Hop, watching TikTok, or visiting the cinema.