Dating can be a wandering road of ups and downs.
For one Redditor @Inevitable_Bit_7040, the downs are hitting hard.
Here's The Story
OP and her boyfriend, Zack, are 24-year-olds. While OP is incredibly outgoing, Zack is the introverted, shy, nerdy type who is more comfortable in small crowds. But, he's come “out of his shell a bit” since he and OP started dating.
When Zack was 11, his mother died and his sister, Elise, stepped in and filled the mother role. She took Zack to school, cooked all the meals, and took care of the house. He feels he owes a lot to her and, according to OP, “has a lot of respect” for his sister.
Recently, Elise and Zack's father have both been making comments about how Zack has been changing, which has started an argument. They're saying Zack “doesn't need to change who he is.”
One day, Zack invited OP, some friends, his dad, Elise, and a few other people over to watch a game. When they were all together, OP brought up how she was trying to get Zack to go on a two-day cruise with her, since he'd never been on one. Not only has he never been on a cruise, he's never been on a boat.
To fix this, OP said they could rent a boat beforehand so he could “get used to it.”
At this point, Elise commented, “If he doesn't want to go, then I'm sure you can find something else to do.” But, OP didn't want to drop it. She said she was “pretty sure” she could talk Zack into going. But Elise wondered why OP wanted to “force” Zack into doing something he doesn't actually want to do.
OP told Elise she needed to relax, that she wasn't Zack's mother. She shouldn't be so invested in the situation. Apparently, that ended the conversation and OP thought nothing further.
OPLater, Zack mentioned getting her to help him retrieve something from his room. Once they were alone, Zack told her that she was “out of line” for how she spoke to his sister.
OP tried to defend herself, saying that it was Elise who was getting involved when she shouldn't be. Zack countered, telling OP she disrespected Elise and needed to apologize. OP argued that she didn't need to apologize and Elise needed to “butt out.”
Finally, Zack asked OP to leave. To make matters worse, when OP told her friends about the situation, they're on Zack and Elise's side. Now OP is wondering if she went too far.
@whatissevenbysix thinks OP is definitely TA.
Your saying “I managed to break him out of his shell” says a lot here. It seems like you're constantly pushing him to do things he wouldn't necessarily do otherwise, and I think this is not healthy. What's wrong with being shy and not wanting to do some things? Your way isn't the only correct way.
And you did push him on this occasion too, and you were being disrespectful to his sister.”
@generalLei couldn't agree more.
“This got me too. I’m an introvert, and while I’ve done a lot of things and been to many places, I’m really happiest at home reading or gaming or with small groups of close friends/family. No one ever says that they managed to get their extrovert partner ‘into their shell a little,’ so why is the expectation that shy and introverted people should be made uncomfortable to accommodate extroverts?
His likes, hobbies, and preferred ways of spending time are just as valid as yours, and if you truly value him, you need to value all of him, not just the parts you can shape to your liking. YTA.”
Read the full story here.
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