They're both 18. Five months after her boyfriend first told her that he loved her—after she told him she loved him first—her boyfriend claimed that while he loved her, he didn't know if what he felt was “love” because he'd never been in love before. She's his first relationship; they've been together for 11 months.
She was okay with that since he'd never been in a relationship before, and figuring out whether one is in love can be tricky.
However, a month after he admitted his uncertainty, he also told her he doesn't feel super “intense” emotions. Generally, he's a happy guy and considers himself “anti-angst.” They rarely fight. Even when they do, he's not all that torn up about it while she's a sobbing mess. She's mistaken his lack of concern for not really caring about her. According to him, he doesn't like to worry.
Once, when she asked him how he felt when she told him she loved him, he said it was terrifying. She wondered if he was happy too, and he said yes. However, he admitted that he wasn't experiencing “eudaimonia-level” happiness.
She has written him poetry, compiled playlists, and created necklaces, but he has not reciprocated. He tells her he prioritizes doing activities together over doing things for each other individually.
She's convinced that she's head-over-heels in love with him. They have good communication and make each other laugh. Yet she can't help but think that when she says ‘I love you,' he feels compelled to respond the same, even if he doesn't mean it. She's not sure whether she can deal with the fact that she seems to care about him more than he does.
She isn't sure if she should keep trying. And if she does, can she do anything to help her boyfriend figure out how he feels about her? She admits she can't “make” him fall in love, but perhaps she can help him figure out how he feels.
She has tried to let go a bit more lately and hasn't been pressuring him, and she will continue not to. She took the advice of Redditor Jaconman to slow down. It's probably the best decision she made to put the brakes on her feelings and expectations. Not getting too wrapped up in attachments and expectations, but stepping back and just enjoying being with him, allowing things to unfold naturally.
They still have plenty of time to enjoy each other's company before committing to anything long-term or becoming emotionally attached.
Jacobman points out that her boyfriend could just be content and complacent. He appears to be satisfied, but sometimes people don't feel anything more profound until they're forced to face their feelings for someone because they fear losing them.
Neither of them knows what to expect in a partnership without a solid foundation of prior relationships from which to draw wisdom. Her boyfriend may find it difficult to fully commit to a relationship since he lacks the life experience to know what is “normal,” “better than normal,” and “worse than usual.”
Probably, he's curious about the universe at large. For a young person who is inexperienced and self-aware, it can be pretty challenging to commit before the feelings follow.
What are your thoughts? Has she made the right decision to slow things down?
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.