How Can You Tell Whether Your Relationship Doubts Are a Result of Your Insecurity or The Other Person?

Doubts will always exist in a relationship, no matter how much the two partners love each other. The doubts come and go or linger. Sometimes your doubts are unfounded, and sometimes maybe not. The first step in overcoming your relationship uncertainties is pinpointing their source and causes. But this can be a tricky endeavor.

So, seven relationship experts share how to know if your doubts result from your insecurities or your partner's behavior. Here's what they have to say.

Find Out How You Feel About Yourself

“A good litmus test to determine whether your doubts are coming from your own insecurities is how you feel about yourself more broadly. If you don't feel good about yourself, there's a higher chance that the doubts you're having about your relationship stem from a lack of self-esteem.

If you're having specific doubts that are related to not feeling like you're “enough” in one way or another, that's a sure sign that they are related to your insecurities. For example, you might not feel “attractive enough” or “smart enough.”

Jessica Alderson

Objectively Assess The Situation

“to make this determination, you need to take a step back and objectively assess the situation.If the doubts are rooted in their own insecurities, such as fear of abandonment or fear of not being good enough, then it is likely that the doubts are coming from within.On the other hand, It is important to consider the context of the relationship and the other person's behavior.

If the other person has been consistently unreliable, disrespectful, or dishonest, then it is likely that the doubts are coming from their actions.

Natalie Maximets

Be Aware of Your Past

“From the perspective of my work, it's all about becoming aware of your life. The more aware you are of your own past hurts, traumas, or behavior patterns, the more you can recognize where you “end” and the other person in the relationship “begins .”This means you are healthy enough to know not only how to create effective boundaries but also how to hold them healthily.

One of the things I guide my clients to do in determining if an issue is a “you” or “me” thing, is to not immediately respond when triggered in a relationship. This gives you time to allow the emotions you are experiencing to be worked through so that you can think clearly from a grounded and centered place.”

Teresa Lodato

Know Your Insecurities

“These two things can blend together easily. A lot is rooted in the triggers of someone's doubts and their past relationships/experiences with a partner. For example, a lot of people have a fear of abandonment when it comes to romantic relationships. This can be an insecurity about how they feel about themselves, their self-worth, and their self-esteem.

However, a partner who is slow to respond to texts and calls, inconsistent in their behavior, and not reassuring or comforting of these anxieties would trigger this insecurity. The difference is if the partner knows their behavior is triggering and if they're trying to avoid it upsetting the other person.

It helps if someone can identify their own insecurities, which, when shared with their partner, often takes a lot of vulnerability that can be uncomfortable or embarrassing. However, if a partner knows of these insecurities and they can be spoken about and addressed, then it makes it easier to see if someone is triggering that doubt.”

Jennifer Klesman

Communicate To Find Out

“A lot of the time, doubt in a relationship is partly due to a lack of communication, and I recommend discussing with your partner if doubt is an issue. Take some time to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner.

The best way to solve any issue in a relationship is to have patience with your relationship and regularly discuss with your partner to find ways you can solve the issue together. Doubt is rarely the real problem in a relationship. A lack of communication tends to be the true issue.”

Melissa Stone

Be Aware of Your Attachment Style

“Finding the root cause depends on the person and to what extent they have doubts or insecurities. It's important to understand there can be a few things at play when you're experiencing relationship challenges. Awareness of your attachment style can give you an inclination if your insecurities are a part of a larger pattern.

For instance, if you are an avoidant-attached person, you may be more likely to push your partner away when you feel vulnerable.

You may pick fights, focus on superficial traits, or intentionally create distance to establish independence. If you are anxiously attached, you may feel heightened anxiety when your partner pulls away, shows independence, or doesn't reassure you in the relationship.

It can help to work with a coach or therapist to reflect on your partner's actions; they can steer you towards the reality if the behavior is indeed concerning or if you are creating issues that aren't there.”

Lisa Van Loo

Check Out for The Signs

“A few signs of insecurity should be considered when discussing doubt, which can ruin a relationship, though everyone has different situations.

If you have some of these signs in yourself, there is a high chance your doubts about the relationship come from your insecurities.

  • You feel jealous of your partner's friend.
  • You Demanding access to gadgets
  • You need constant reassurance
  • You don't like to be left alone
  • You avoid confrontation
  • You suspect everyone

On the other hand, some of our doubts come from many gut feelings. For example, You find your partner continuously lying to you and have proof or substantial doubt about your partner's friend and find some signs. These signs can be signs your doubt is correct, though do not ask randomly. First, confirm your suspicion, then react.”

Marley Howard

This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.