How to Catch a Cheater

Your gut instinct is telling you that something isn't right. Maybe your partner has started to act suspiciously or secretively, or they have become suddenly distant.

Having a cheating partner is something no one wants to deal with. However, we have tips on catching them red-handed – and what to do about it.

Understand the Signs of Cheating

The first step in catching a cheater is understanding the signs of cheating. If you notice your partner is acting differently, it could signify that they are cheating. However, before jumping to conclusions, look for a change in behavior that has been going on for a while.

The Signs of a Cheating Spouse

Here are some common signs of cheaters:

  • They're suddenly very interested in their appearance and are dressing up more often (and you know it's not for business dinners)
  • They're working longer hours or taking on more work projects (and you don't see an increase in the money they're bringing home)
  • They're always secretive about their cell phone, phone calls (especially incoming calls), text messages, and computer usage (whereas they weren't so vigilant before)
  • Their behavior has changed dramatically since getting into the relationship (and no, not that they wear sweatpants all the time and want to stay in more)

If you notice any of these signs, it's time to investigate further. No one likes to find out about their spouse cheating on them, but sometimes it's better to know than to stay in the dark.

Watch for Red Flags and Unusual Behavior

If your partner is cheating on you, they may be trying to hide it. They will be cautious of how they act, even if you have noticed the change. You may observe inconsistencies.

For example, your partner is coming home later than usual, taking more business trips, spending more money, or starting to use new messaging apps.

If this happens repeatedly, it's time to start asking some questions. Don't just let things pass if you want to catch a cheater. You deserve to know what's going on.

Don't Ignore Your Gut feeling – If Something Doesn't Seem Right, It Probably Isn't

Sometimes, the best evidence is your gut feeling when it comes to catching a cheater. If you have a sneaking suspicion that something isn't right, trust your instinct and start asking questions. Even if you just had a dream about your spouse cheating on you, it's worth giving it some thought.

It's the same way you have gut feelings about other things: you may be on to something, so don't let it go.

Your unfaithful partner may try to gaslight you or make you feel crazy for suspecting them, but don't fall for it. If you think they're cheating, there's probably a good reason for it. Fortunately, there are many ways to uncover the truth.

If You Have Suspicions, Don't Be Afraid to Confront Your Partner

Of course, you may choose to be direct and ask your partner if they are cheating on you. That is one way how to catch a cheater.

One of the best ways to catch a cheater is to ask them directly. Yes, this can be a difficult conversation, but it's the most effective way to get the truth from a cheating spouse.

Excuses, Excuses

However, remember that if your partner is cheating on you, they will likely try to deny it or come up with some plausible excuse.

Should they choose to be honest and admit that they have been cheating, it's then up to you to decide what to do next when you find out you have an unfaithful partner. Perhaps you'll both see a family therapist to learn how to build trust again or determine if you should be together in the first place.

On the other hand, should your cheating spouse tell you that they have been faithful, but you still can't shake the feeling that the opposite is true, then start gathering evidence if you want actual proof.

It's good to know that one of the main reasons for cheating is insecurity. These people are constantly looking for approval and attention to satisfy their insecurities, so if you don't give it to them in abundance, they'll look elsewhere.

Gather Evidence of Cheating

Gathering proof to catch a cheater may be the best first step when confronting your partner. At the very least, you will be taking action and finding out for yourself what is true versus something you made up in your head.

Be Your Own Private Investigator

If you want to catch a cheater, you'll need evidence. You might want to look at your partner's phone, call log, text messages, joint account statements (and any other accounts registered jointly), browser history, Facebook and Instagram profile, Google Maps history, or even their cloud storage.

If they have a GPS device or navigation system in their car linked to Google maps, you can see where they've been by checking out their location history.

You may also want to install a tracking app on your partner's phone, so you can see where they are and what they're doing. If you both use Apple devices, you can activate sharing features like the Find My Friends app to keep tabs on them as well.

Going to Great Lengths to Catch a Cheater

Some people have created fake profiles on dating sites, used a hidden camera, or even a baby monitor. These may sound like radical measures, but they're some of the best ways to catch an unfaithful partner.

Even if you're uncomfortable with checking someone's phone or another electronic device, it's the only way to know for sure. You will probably never catch them in the act itself, so you must rely on other means to get the information you need.

Use Technology to Your Advantage – Track Their Movements and See Who They're Talking To

If you're serious about catching a cheater, then use technology to your advantage. Several spy apps and programs now exist that allow you to track the movements of your cheating spouse and see who they are talking to.

These apps go beyond simply looking at call logs on the phone and are becoming more popular for those who want to catch cheaters.

Spy apps can help you get concrete evidence that they are cheating on you. You want solid proof before confronting them in the first place.

The Best Apps to Catch a Cheater

Here are some spy apps you can download on your phone to catch a cheater:

  • mSpy
  • FlexiSPY
  • Highster Mobile
  • Spyzie

These are just some of the apps available to use on your phone easily. A quick search on the Internet may give you other apps that fit better for your situation. Take the time to find the best app that works for you.

Find Out the Truth

Maybe it sounds crazy to use a cheater app or spy app, but you'll be able to get the proof you need to confront them about their infidelity.

Once you have all the evidence, it's up to you what you do with it. You may decide to forgive them and move on, or you may choose to end the relationship with that person. Either way, at least you will know the truth.

Take Action if Your Partner Continues to Deny the Cheating

If you have now gathered evidence that will catch a cheater red-handed, it's time to confront them. Be prepared for an ugly confrontation, but know that you deserve to see the truth so that you know what action to take next.

If your partner denies the cheating despite what you've found out using a spy app, don't give up. Keep gathering evidence until you have enough to make them talk. If they still refuse to admit it, then you may have to consider ending the relationship altogether.

No one deserves a cheating partner, so take action and get the truth no matter what it takes.

Take the Necessary Steps to Protect Yourself

If your partner is cheating on you, it's also essential to take the necessary steps to protect yourself. After all, they may become angry or try to retaliate and log in to your online accounts, read your cell phone messages, hack into a device like your iPad or tablet, etc.

Change your passwords, lock down your social media accounts, and be vigilant about who you share information with – even when it comes to your friends. Avoid sharing your suspicions on any messaging apps for unwelcome eyes to find.

Track Everything

It's also a good idea to keep a journal of all the signs that your partner has been cheating on you if you need to refer back to it later. Be sure that your journal stays in a safe place where no one can access it.

It can be helpful if you decide to confront your partner or if you decide to take legal action against them.

You may also want to create a hidden folder on your computer device or phone containing all the details you've been tracking. Ensure it's password-protected with double authentication turned on (find these security apps on your phone's app store).

Seek Professional Help if You Need Support Dealing with The Situation

If you're struggling to deal with the situation independently, seek professional help. A family therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

Friends are helpful to talk and vent to but remember they have a bias to be on your side and may not always give the best advice. Additionally, your friends might surprise you and take the side of your cheating spouse because they think your partner is a good person.

Get Legal Counsel

You may also want to consider talking to a lawyer if you believe that taking legal action against your partner is the right thing to do. Especially if you're legally married and assets and children are involved.

They can advise you on what steps to take when it comes to a cheating spouse and protect yourself. Be prepared with all the evidence you have gathered to make your case.

Plenty of lawyers will give a free consultation or have you pay a small consultation fee, so do be sure to check online reviews and understand their process. Some layers may even refer you to a private investigator to help you gather more evidence.

Hire a Private Eye

You may consider going so far as to pay a personal investigator experienced in finding cheating spouses to catch your cheating partner. This is a more extreme measure, but it may be worth doing.

If you plan to take legal action against your partner, having a private investigator may support you in a mediation or court hearing. They are discreet and pay attention to every detail regarding a spouse cheating. A private investigator is better than a spy app on your device or a baby monitor hidden in the house.

The Professional Touch

A real professional knows how to keep a safe distance, look for other signs of cheating you may have missed, and even install hidden cameras, a voice recorder, or a GPS device in places you would never have thought about.

The money you spend on a private investigator to help you confirm suspicions and get a comprehensive report will be a worthwhile investment. These types of professionals know how to catch a cheater.

Move On if Your Partner Refuses to Change Their Ways

If your partner is unwilling to change their ways, then it's time to move on. If your partner can't or won't stop cheating, they're not worth your time. It's a bad sign for your partnership if they refuse to be honest with you.

It may not be easy but focus on rebuilding yourself and moving on. Lean on good friends who have always been there for you. Plenty of people will appreciate and respect you. Don't dwell on the past. It's time to find a person interested in your happiness and not just their own.

Breaking The Pattern

If you feel that attracting partners who cheat is a pattern, seek help from a counselor or family therapist who can help you understand how to change your behavior in this area.

Getting over the betrayal of a cheating spouse is never easy. With time comes healing and growth.

Get the Love You Deserve

If you think your partner is cheating on you, there are many things you can do to catch a cheater. Use technology to your advantage, take the necessary steps to protect yourself, and seek professional help like a family therapist, lawyer, or private investigator if you need it.

You deserve to be with a person who loves and respects you and is faithful to you. If your unfaithful partner refuses to change their ways, know that you deserve better and move on. Don't waste your time on a cheater – move on and find happiness.


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Nicole Graham is a relationship expert at Womenio.com. Nicole is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing about it. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you're single or already in a relationship.