Twin Sister Drama: Bride-to-Be Excluding Twin From Bridal Party Due To Toxic Personality

A 25-year-old woman online, we’ll call her OP, has a fraternal twin sister whom she was very close to when they were young. The problem between the sisters is that as they grew up, OP's twin was a bubbly, popular cheerleader who didn't stand up for OP. OP was the ‘nerdy bookworm' type. Now that they're all grown up, OP wants to know if she's wrong for refusing to allow her twin to be a bridesmaid in her wedding party. After all, they are not close and OP thinks her sister is toxic. Is it ridiculous to let societal expectations ruin OP’s big day?

Here's The Story

OP laments that while her sister didn't actively pick on or bully her during their high school years; she would stand by with her head down while other teens, who were her sister's friends, ridiculed her.

As an example, OP tells of a time when they were getting ready to celebrate their 16th birthday. OP didn't have any friends and didn't want to attend the party, but knew her parents would expect her to be present.

OP's sister offered her $100 to pretend she was sick and not attend. OP, who was happy to ‘miss out' took the money and stayed home.

Incidents like this caused OP to attend a college across the country from her sister.

While her sister tried to ‘keep in touch,' OP said she ignored her because she ‘was very traumatized about losing her sister/best friend.' OP also said that while she was polite to her sister during school breaks when they were both home, she held her sister at arm's length. She couldn't trust her.

No Deal for Sis

At this point, OP is adamant that she doesn't want her sister to be in her wedding, but her parents think it's a good ‘compromise' to have her twin be a ‘regular bridesmaid.'

OP wants her ‘big' from her sorority to be her Maid of Honor and other women who also had the same ‘big' to fill out the rest of her bridal party.

OP would prefer not to invite her sister to her wedding at all but reluctantly agreed to allow her to attend because of family obligations.

When OP commented to friends and family “But what would people think if she was seen with me?” OP's sister apparently cried, although she never apologized for her past behavior.

The twin sister, according to OP, thinks these incidents happened so long ago that OP should ‘let bygones be bygones.'

OP doesn't feel the same, as she admits to having ‘years of therapy' because of her sister. She also doesn't feel she should have to have someone as a bridesmaid who thinks they're better than her. She is tired of her sister's toxicity.

Here's How People Online Reacted

Offer Your Twin $100 To Stay Home

User @canadiangig thinks OP is certainly NTA. “…at least you're not offering her $100 to stay home like she did on your 16th.”

Redditor @MattDaveys respectfully disagrees, saying OP should offer her sister $100.

“Nah, I WOULD offer her $100, in front of the family.

“I did you a solid for our sweet 16, now it’s your turn for my wedding. Here’s $100, make sure you act sick the day of. And try to be more convincing than 16yo me.”

That way the parents realize that OP wasn’t truly sick on her 16th.”

@SageRiBardan has some sage advice on family affairs. “The entire insistence that toxic people need to be included because they are family needs to stop.”

@BarTony670 thinks the $100 offer should come with a burn. “Offer $100 to be sick and miss it. Then say that doesnt feel very good does it. You wanted your 16th all about u. And I want my wedding all about me and groom. I do not trust you one bit so no you will not have a starring role.”

There Is No Obligation

@SageRiBardan has some sage advice on family affairs: “The entire insistence that toxic people need to be included because they are family needs to stop.”

Forgive Her

User @calling_water makes a great point about forgiveness. “Forgiving her doesn’t magically make you close now, though. Being a bridesmaid is for people who you are currently close to.

You are letting bygones be bygones, if you invite her as a guest. But that doesn’t produce a relationship that you simply do not have with her. It gets her back to neutral, which for family can merit an invitation to be a guest, but that’s all.

(ETA: Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you forget what she’s like. She’s rather pushy for a spotlight role, for someone who’s made no amends but is trying to get you to act like she’s changed.)”

In The End

People online agreed that OP is definitely NTA and should not feel bullied into or forced to include a sister she is not close to by any means.

What do you think? How should OP deal with the wedding drama? Would you offer the $100 to prove your point, or simply ‘let bygones be bygones?'

A thread inspired this article.

This article is produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.