People act as if they sometimes forget that their actions have consequences. A bad deed may seem worth it until it's time to face the consequences attached.
u/Alwaysconfusionn's ex-boyfriend did something unforgivable to OP. And not everyone can forgive and forget so easily, especially when the offense concerns a matter close to their heart. She's done with the relationship, but it doesn't look like he's ready to let her go yet.
OP broke up with her boyfriend a while ago. He hurt her badly, and she figured it was better to end the relationship than try to make it work. I know relationships are worth the heartache, and a good person is worth fighting for, but sometimes it's better to let go than to keep watering a dead plant.
However, it's not easy to go your separate ways when you've dated a person for so long.
She still has his pet, clothes, and car. Normally, she would immediately hand them over, but he's not around at the moment. She plans to give him the things when he returns. Having your ex's stuff still lying around can seriously hinder the healing process.
It's not that she feels vengeful or bitter toward him. She wants to be done with the relationship.
According to her, he became depressed because of this. He also said that he was not going to let her go. Instead, he would wait until she was ready for them to try again.
But if he really feels so strongly for her, why did he hurt her in the first place?
No False Hope
Now, she knows how she feels and where her footing is. Just like Taylor Swift, she's never getting back with him. She's told him multiple times, and she doesn't want to give him any false hope. She thinks sticking around would only hurt him more, and I consider it kind of her to decide to end things.
A while ago, he broke down, telling her that she was making him feel awful when she said she didn't want to give him false hope. Now, she feels bad for breaking up with him and hurting him, but she can't forget how much he hurt her and how long the hurt lasted. She may have forgiven him but can't try to make the relationship work anymore.
On the other hand, her boyfriend feels it's his choice to wait and that she is being unfair for not giving him a chance because then she would never know if he has genuinely changed. But do people change? That's still a very controversial debate!
OP is questioning herself. She knows she's done with the relationship and doesn't want him to keep applying pressure, but she still feels responsible for him. Is she a jerk for consistently pushing him off?
Looks Like Manipulation
A relationship is a two-person thing; they must want to be with each other for it to work. Even if she decides to stay, it would be only out of pity, and what good is that? It looks like he's trying to manipulate her, and no one should ever fall for that.
u/krankykitty suggested a solution:
“NTA. If you want to break up with a guy, that is all it takes. You are broken up.
If he is pressuring you, you can not respond to him or block him…”
They also advised her to report to the police and contact his family members if she feels he is a threat to himself or others, but she shouldn't allow herself to be trapped into staying in a relationship that she wasn't interested in anymore.
Another person supports the claim that she's being manipulated:
“NTA. He’s the one that messed up but you feel bad. That is emotional manipulation. He hasn’t changed. If he did he would take responsibility for what happened and not try to make you feel bad.
Have someone present when he picks up his stuff or meet him somewhere. Better yet, if you can drop his stuff and pet with a friend of his and block him.”
OP might have to stay away from her ex for a while, including no phone calls. It seems he's having a harder time with the breakup, even though his actions caused it. In the meantime, she has to stop feeling guilty about the situation and learn to put herself first.
This thread inspired this post.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.
Boloere Seibidor, fondly called B.S. is a Nigerian-based writer and poet. Her favorite topics to cover include music, especially Hip-Hop, film, lifestyle, and fashion. She's been published by Feral Journal, Fantasy Magazine, The Temz Review, and most notably, Wealth of Geeks. She enjoys romantic dinners, movie nights, and touring new sites. When she's not writing, she's delving back in time to the underground world of Hip-Hop, watching TikTok, or visiting the cinema.