Woman Offers Unsolicited Advice to Husband With ADHD, Hubby Loses Temper

ADHD (Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder) is a condition that often develops in one's childhood. One primary quirk is that a person likely becomes forgetful and loses things easily. ADHD also contributes to low self-esteem, and yes, it can ruin relationships if not properly handled.

u/MyriadHerself is married to a man diagnosed with ADHD. She tries to be supportive and offer advice when she can, but it seems she might be overdoing it.

When we try to help others, we’re also very likely to become a burden to them. That’s why setting boundaries, even in marriages, is very important.

Long Distance Marriage

OP and her husband have been married for five years. But since her husband is in the Navy, much of that time is spent apart.

Since OP was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, she understands the struggle. But she had lots of help while growing up. Not only did her husband not have the same support she had growing up, he barely has any now. She feels extra helpless when he's deployed and can't be there to help him.

Now, though, his behavior isn't just interfering with work — it's causing trouble at home, too.

Forgetting Things

He forgets to keep her updated with the important stuff. She always tries to be kind and supportive all the time. She also tries to respond with encouraging words. Her husband could be going out to sea on a mini deployment and he'd forget to tell her. He also forgets to handle a bunch of financial stuff — things he has to handle because she's not authorized to.

Although her husband doesn't exactly ask for advice, he makes statements such as, “I don’t know why this keeps happening. I don’t know how to fix it.”

Last night, they were on the phone and he was drinking and upset. He was mad about how much his disorder was affecting him. OP thought maybe some words of advice might help turn the situation around, so she gave ideas on how he'd be better able to support himself when they were apart.

He got so mad that he told her she knew nothing and threatened to end the phone call. She brushed it off, chalking the outburst up to alcohol.

All she wanted to do was help him feel better. Now, she fears she may have worsened things.

Did She Go Too Far

The answer isn’t a simple yes or no. Some people think that she meant no harm and was only trying to help, which I believe. Others think OP may have gotten too into the supportive role, and the rest think they are both to blame.

u/mochi_for_breakfast commented,

“Slight ESH. You knew he was drinking, you gave him advice that he didn't want, and then you said that he was only getting emotional because he was drinking.

So now you're playing it both ways, somehow he's not drunk enough where he ought to understand your excellent advice but he is drunk enough to be emotional…”

Another person thinks OP should refrain from giving unwanted advice:

“NTA for wanting to help.

But this argument will keep going if you give unsolicited advice. Sometimes our partner just wants to vent, not specifically to get a solution/advice. Things that may help: empathy coming from being in his frame of mind: ‘I can see how this is making you feel extremely frustrated!’

Directly asking: do you want my advice or do you just want me to listen? Or if you can't hold back that much, try ‘Can I tell you what helped me that you might find beneficial?’”

One shared a different sentiment:

“Did he ask for advice? Advice can often end up sounding pretty condescending. When someone is drinking, it is not the time to be having a serious discussion like that either.”

In The End

OP is looking out for the best interests of her man, but I think she needs to learn when to be there, too, instead of always trying to do something. It's possible that sometimes he wants to vent.

But do you think OP is doing a little too much? Or is her husband being extra?

Source: Reddit.

This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.