Is Her Boyfriend’s Love Bombing Psychologically Abusive?

She has seen a difference in his conduct throughout their four years of dating. It started in the second year. He used to be a wonderful person to be around—very warm, friendly, and kind. But lately, he has treated her quite disrespectfully and critically.

He compares her and her friends, pointing out how, in contrast to her, they hold senior-level positions in technical fields while she holds a more administrative one. He'll tell her about their smartness and how she seems the outlier. Every day, she hears comments from him that are little digs at her intelligence, appearance, attention span, interests, and more.

She has asked him to stop saying things like that several times, but he always responds, “I'm only joking,” or will act as though he has forgotten.

When they fight, the remarks are often far nastier. For example, he told her he had to change his standards for a partner to accommodate her, that she must ‘earn' his love, that she isn't good for him right now but will be when she continues to work on her flaws, and that she will be perfect for him in like 5 to 10 years.

When they quarrel, it's difficult to find common ground. They go around in circles for hours, with him pointing out flaws in her character that have nothing to do with what they are fighting about.

If she tries to defend herself, he often says she is playing the victim and can't see the situation clearly. He is also very logical and very good at arguing. Hence, she often gets confused and lost in the conversation when they talk. So she ends up contradicting herself or feeling confused without knowing what to say.

She eventually becomes quiet, listens, and agrees with him because she is exhausted. She finds herself saying, “Yes,” “I agree,” or “You're correct.” When he says things like “why don't you speak up” or “do you truly agree with me, or are you just saying yes,” she usually nods her head in agreement because if she disagrees, it would only prolong the argument because he wants to discuss how she could possibly feel differently to him.

She typically wants to take some time apart since she gets so overwhelmed when the fights sometimes become intense. He would respond by saying she always chooses the easy route in life and is a quitter.

She feels that she is constantly the target of criticism focusing on her need to change. Her tendency to forget and be a little spacey has worsened with time.

She doesn't behave this way around other people and questions whether the frequent lectures are to blame for her changing. She never perceived herself in this way before, so she feels as though she ought to wear a “work in progress” sign around her neck.

“Honestly, I feel like it's weird.” she says, “because sometimes he's sooo nice and thoughtful. He gets me amazing gifts and can be very generous. I just feel like if he genuinely cared and loved me, he wouldn't make me feel this terrible”

Redditor Kikivee612 replies “The part where he is nice is called love bombing. He showers you with compliments and gifts to keep you on that string just enough for you to justify his abuse. He knows exactly what he's doing. He's got to be in control of every situation, and he sees you as someone he needs to have control over.

The truth is, he doesn't care about you or anyone else. The only person he truly cares about is himself. The most important thing for you to understand is that you can't change him. He will not change. This is who he is.”

What do you think? Is her partner any good?

You can read the original story on Reddit here.

This article was produced and syndicated on Wealth of Geeks.