Dog owners understand the reality all too well: a dog's only fault is that they leave us far too soon. Well, some are absolutely vicious menaces to society, but for most dogs, the whole passing-away-too-soon thing is by far their worst feature.
So, owners of puppies and dogs long in the tooth avoid these movies at all costs. They might start sweet, but they turn out to be unmitigated bummers.
Warning: This article contains spoilers!
1. My Dog Skip (2000)
The first ballot Hall of Fame pick for dog movies to avoid is My Dog Skip. Not only is the plot meant to inflict maximum pain on dog owners, but seeing a pre-pubescent Frankie Muniz will make you feel old AF. But mostly, the plot is a real downer.
2. Marley & Me (2008)
Even Owen Wilson in his prime couldn't out-goofy the ending to Marley & Me. Those who read the best-selling novel that preceded the film still went to see this movie knowing that they'd need a Shop-Vac to suck up the tears.
Sadists, I tell ya.
3. Best in Show (2000)
While Best in Show won't make you cry the Marley & Me-style, my-dog-just-died tears, it will make you question whether you want to own a dog at all. After all, how could you stand being affiliated with the motley crew of deranged dog owners featured in this legendary comedy?
“Where is busy bee?!!”
4. I Am Legend (2007)
While I Am Legend is far from the traditional dog film, in a movie carried largely by two main characters, the dog has a central role. However, like so many dogs who make cameos on the silver screen, the charismatic German Shepherd in I Am Legend suffers an unceremonious exit.
5. Turner & Hooch (1989)
Surely a movie starring Tom Hanks wouldn't do us dirty, right? To the viewer's credit, we hadn't yet seen Hanks in emotionally provocative movies like Cast Away and Captain Phillips, so we trusted that he'd keep up his safe, moderately humorous leading man schtick.
And for the most part, Hanks played his role. Hooch, on the other hand, messed around and got himself shot. Which goes to show you, never bring your dog to the office (at least if you're a cop).
6. Old Yeller (1957)
Old Yeller proves that you don't need CGI or blockbuster budgets to make dog owners utterly depressed. The classic tale of boy-dog bonding from Disney paved the way for an endless slate of subsequent films where man meets dog, man loves dog, and man loses dog.
7. Hachi: A Dog's Tale (2009)
The movie Hachi: A Dog's Tale presents a rare, loathsome two-for-one offer to moviegoers. Not only do you get to see the dog pass away, but you get to see the dog owner meet his end, too!
Seriously, skip this otherwise delightful film if you care about your dog or your human relatives…really, if you care about anything.
8. Badlands (1973)
Badlands is a high-quality action flick that stands up remarkably well based on its 1973 release date. However, there is a scene where the main character's father decides to discipline his daughter (played by Sissy Spacek) by disciplining the dog. It's a classic cover-your-eyes moment for any dog owner, and one that you might assume skip altogether.
9. All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989)
Forgive me, but the assertion that all dogs go to heaven isn't providing much solace now that you've reminded me my dog is going to die way sooner than I'd like.
Nice try, though.
10. Eight Below (2006)
You weren't the only one if you skipped the Paul Walker-led Eight Below. You may have sensed that, like so many filmmakers that put dogs front and center in their movie trailer, you were being set up for a bait and switch where the dogs start dropping like flies before the credits roll.
With Eight Below, you'd have guessed right.
Well, we warned you. If you love dogs, you should probably skip these ten flicks.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.