I Don’t Want To Hurt My Ex’s Feelings but Now I’m Excluding My New Partner

Breakups can be really hard to get through for both parties involved. But sometimes, one party seems to suffer more than the other. A tough breakup can lead you down a path you didn't imagine and make it considerably hard to enter a new relationship.

In OP's case, she's already in a new relationship. However, her story proves there may still be unresolved issues from the former. She wants to know if she's wrong for asking her partner not to go to events her ex would be present.

New Beginnings

OP has a wonderful relationship with her new partner, whom she has been dating for about eight months. She and her ex, who dated for three and a half years, still share the same circle of friends and are on friendly terms with each other. However, they understand they are each on their own different journeys in healing and respect that.

Her friends all like her new partner, and the feeling is mutual, as her ex is always excited to be involved in their activities. But her ex hasn't met him yet. OP knows meeting her boyfriend would hurt her ex, “especially as it's been less than a year since they broke up.”

On the few occasions that her ex was attending an event with their mutual group of friends, she told her boyfriend that it would be best if he stayed home.

OP understands that her ex is still healing and doesn't want to hurt him, make her partner uncomfortable, or create tension for her friends, who would be caught in the middle of the awkward scenario.

Her boyfriend understands her reasons, but he still isn't happy about it.

First Ex

OP has never had an ex before, she confessed, explaining the reason behind her conflict.

“I hate myself for doing this because I know it isn't right, and I try to explain to him I just don't know what to do in the situation and what might happen if he attends,” OP says.

She broke up with her ex because he kept the relationship hidden, and thinking she's doing the same thing to her current boyfriend upsets her. OP says that she's proud to be with her current boyfriend and would never try to hide him, but she's confused about what to do because she's tired of excluding him from events.

She acknowledges that while an easy solution would be not to attend these events herself if she doesn't want her partner there, she still wants to be with her friends on those special occasions.

“I hate that I'm putting my partner in this position. I just wanna be the best partner I can to him, but also navigate and maintain my friendships that are tied to my ex,” she says.

Sorry, Sis. Still in Love With Ex

People online have passed judgment on this one, and they all seem against OP.

u/OkCaterpillar7770 succinctly explains all the reasons OP sucks here:

“YTA, first, for starting to date someone when you are apparently ‘on a journey to heal and move on.' Second, for still being on that journey 8 months in. Third, for putting your ex's feelings over your poor current partner's. Fourth, for keeping this going for nearly a year. Fifth, for pretending you're just trying to be nice to everyone when it's pretty damned clear you still have feelings for your ex and are leading the current partner on.”

Another user suggests that there are other ways to deal with this than keeping her boyfriend away:

“YTA. Either don’t go, or (gasp) talk to the ex to discover comfort levels. OP is playing a weird, selfish, uber-dramatic game to create as much stress as possible. I guess OP must be getting something out of it, or else it would have stopped by now. OP, do you enjoy everyone knowing you’re so desired as to create this drama? Because that’s – gross. Both these people deserve better. So do better.”

u/OldMammaSpeaks adds, “Not to mention, she is creating all this drama over a guy who is probably married, has a GF, or considers her a booty call. They broke up because he wanted to keep it secret.”

Healing is never a linear process, and it's often complex to navigate through it. Here, OP can't help but feel empathy for her ex, who she believes is finding the healing process as tough as she is. Still, there is a third party involved — her boyfriend. Do you think OP is handling the situation as she should? What would you do if you were her?

This thread inspired this article.

This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.

Boloere Seibidor, fondly called B.S. is a Nigerian-based writer and poet. Her favorite topics to cover include music, especially Hip-Hop, film, lifestyle, and fashion. She's been published by Feral Journal, Fantasy Magazine, The Temz Review, and most notably, Wealth of Geeks. She enjoys romantic dinners, movie nights, and touring new sites. When she's not writing, she's delving back in time to the underground world of Hip-Hop, watching TikTok, or visiting the cinema.