She's sure she has fallen out of love with the guy she owns a house with. They've become part of each others' lives — common friend groups, tickets for concerts months away with her family, tickets to trips together with his, and so on. He's stuck with her through thick and thin and truly supports her in everything she does. She's also always done the same.
If she thinks about it, there's absolutely no reason for her not to love him. They have the same goals in life, share the same values, and love to do the same things. They do many things together and have separate lives, too, just as is the case in any healthy relationship.
But OP is bored.
She has been for a few months now. She's really tried to shake it off. For a few days here and there, she thinks she managed to, but then, it just comes back. She starts snapping at him and then promptly apologizes. It's really nothing he is doing, just how she's reacting to it, and it's not fair.
She gets tired of listening to his stories. She's bored of how they get intimate. It's not all that bad. It's actually great most of the time. The issue is, it's just the same all the time.
Not Wrong but Not Right
She thinks the big issue for her is that he is not naturally lovey-dovey and touchy. She likes little touches and long kisses when they pass each other. He's tried to learn, but it never feels how she feels like it should. She's loved him for a long time, but it was never an “all systems go,” falling hard kind of love. She feels they skipped the honeymoon period and went straight to a trusting, mature relationship. She misses the butterflies and other excitements that come with being in a new relationship.
The thing is, there's nothing wrong with the relationship, but it just doesn't feel right. She’s wondering if this is just how long relationships go or if these are signs of what will inevitably be the end.
Give Up or Give It All?
A user asked, “OK, well, how do you know that amorphous “greener grass” you keep thinking about while you are with this guy is actually better?”
They continued: “Love is not an emotion. Love is actions. Love is selflessness. Love is monotony. You won't realize just how good you have it until you throw it all away and wind up bitter and alone in 5 years. There is no perfect life. The grass is greenest where you water it. Now put some effort in.”
Another user replied, disagreeing with the part about love being monotony.
“That is the most depressing take on the matter I've ever heard! I think every single person who is actually in love would beg to differ! I mean isn't that the whole point of being in love? To escape the inevitable “monotony” of a loveless life?”
Some other person said, “There’s a lot here. It sounds like your needs aren’t being met and haven’t been for a while. That’s a problem. That in and of itself is a valid reason to get a divorce if you so choose. I’ve been in your shoes, I chose divorce. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. I firmly believe that all relationships have a timeline. Some are til death, some years and years, some not. It’s okay to change course. It’s okay to notice you don’t like the trajectory and change it.”
Yet another suggested couples counseling. They wrote,
“I think you might need some couples counseling to help you guys out. This seems like you guys are in a rough patch, but one you can get through. Maybe also you guys do a session or two with a therapist to give you guys new ideas/mindsets on your lives too? I hope you guys can get through this, it seems like you can easily rebuild this relationship to be stronger than ever, you just got to get on the same page.”
What do you think about the whole situation? Are boredom and monotony a part
Read the original story on Reddit.
This post was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.
Amaka Chukwuma is a freelance content writer with a BA in linguistics. As a result of her insatiable curiosity, she writes in various B2C and B2B niches. Her favorite subject matter, however, is in the financial, health, and technological niches. She has contributed to publications like Buttonwood Tree and FinanceBuzz in the past and currently writes for Wealth of Geeks.