Is She The Problem for Skipping Stepdaughter’s Wedding?

Reddit poster @single_year3855 has two stepchildren. “Sarah” and “Mike.” She's been in their lives since Sarah was 2. “Kate,” Sarah and Mike's biological mother suffered through drug addiction that caused her to lose her parental rights.

When Sarah was 17, Kate made contact with her son and daughter, wanting to be part of their lives now that she was clean, going to therapy and had a decent job. Sarah readily agreed, while Mike decided to not have contact with his bio-mom. Sarah also made it clear that she resented both OP and Mike for Mike's decision to not have contact with Kate.

OP understood both of her stepchildren's decisions. Mike knew his mother in the throes of her addiction while Sarah only remembered Kate after she got clean. OP respected both of their choices. While OP understood Sarah's choice to see Kate, she was hurt by Sarah's obvious rejection of her now that her ‘real' mother was back in her life.

Sarah went as far as to stop spending time with OP and stopped calling her ‘mom.' OP let Sarah know how hurt she was, but also that Sarah didn't have to choose between her and Kate. “She could have us both,” OP said.

Sarah went on to say she appreciated OP, but at the end of the day, Kate was her and Mike's real mom. This ‘crushed' OP and for OP the ‘final straw' was when Sarah failed to invite her to her high school graduation. OP figured if that was how Sarah wanted it, that's how it'd be. From then on, Sarah “would only be her husband's kid.”

Three months ago, in late 2022, Sarah showed up at her dad's house with her fiance, (whom neither Rob -OP's husband, nor OP knew existed) She invited OP and her dad to their wedding, but OP refused. Sarah asked OP to come to her bridal party to which OP said she felt uncomfortable taking part in the event when they hadn't had a relationship in years, as Sarah had preferred.

Sarah said she was ‘sorry,' but OP said she wasn't interested. Sarah went on to say, “What will people think if my brother and my dad's wife aren't there? Gramps, who is Sarah's paternal grandfather, is gonna be pissed off too.”

OP told Sarah she was clearly only concerned about appearances and felt Sarah's tears were more of the ‘crocodile' variety than something sincere. Sarah kept texting OP after she left, trying to get OP to change her mind about the wedding, and even ‘saved a seat' at the wedding for OP, in case she wanted to attend. OP chose not to go.

Rob, OP's husband, and Sarah's dad, is angry with OP for ‘ruining his daughter's wedding,' but Mike who is still no contact with Sarah and Kate, is taking OP's side.

Redditors were clearly on OP's side, denoting she's NTA, although they also offered some sage advice.

User @painful_butterflies says, ”

Nta.

She dropped you quickly enough for her ‘real mum', you know the one that did literally nothing for the hardest part of her life then strolled in when it was convenient.

She threw away 15+ years of care like it was nothing, you can't reverse that at a drop.of a hat to full a seat at a wedding.

Husband is TA for not seeing that she kicked you to the kerb without a thought and expects you to be ok with it, although I can see he is in a difficult position.”

Another Redditor @399566 agreed, saying, ”

While all this is right, I feel the invitation was an obvious try to appease grandpa and therefore Sarah needed OP as a prop.

This is not about you, OP, she didn't invite you as her mother, she needed bums on seats to show off to gramps and to play happy family for a day.

Nothing would have changed. This wasn't about trying to fix anything. You would have been used as a prop a decoy for gramps.

NYA, obviously, OP did everything right and husband needs a reality check.”

Reddit user @cheeseandpasta97 agreed OP was NTA and wondered if Kate went to Sarah's wedding. ”

NTA. You were the one to give the first push in getting Rob to allow Kate to see them. Sarah basically slapped you in the face for everything you did. You even told Sarah you were fine with being just a motherly figure but she took it further by resenting you!?

Rob has some audacity to say you ruined the wedding when you were the one who helped bring up these children then not get any support while you were blamed for Mike's choices and rejected.

Did Kate go to Sarah's wedding?”

OP replied, “She and her entire family were invited, and she was also in the bridal party as MOH.”

It seems that some Redditors thought there was more OP could have done to ‘mend fences' with her stepdaughter.

User @Independent-Face-959 thought, ”

She was a kid dealing with a lot of stuff with her bio mom. It makes complete sense why a kid whose bio mom was missing for years and then made her choose would make the choice she did.

Sarah got older and got wiser and realized it was a mistake and you’re still holding it against her.

She left an empty seat at the wedding for you. If she was keeping up appearances she wouldn’t have done that.

You were all for forgiveness when it was Sarah forgiving Kate. Now that you need to practice what you preach, you’re changing your mind.”

While it seems that everyone completely understands OP's point of view and where she's coming from, it's also clear that people think she could have handled things differently to help heal the hurt. Whether Sarah was truly interested in a relationship will remain to be seen.

What do you think? Was OP in the right to not attend the wedding? Was there more she could have done to ‘fix the family?'

This article is produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.