Marriage can be one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences in life, but it's not always a bed of roses. In fact, there are some things that married people wish unmarried people knew before they take the plunge. Whether it's navigating through disagreements, managing finances, or dealing with in-laws, there are some unique challenges that come with sharing your life with someone else. That's why we've compiled a list of 11 things that married people desperately want unmarried people to know.
So, whether you're single and curious about what married life is really like, or you're in a relationship and thinking about taking the next step, read on to find out what those who've walked down the aisle wish they had known before saying “I do.”
1. Being Married Shouldn't Take Away Your Relationship With Yourself
HauntedCemetery shared, “My wife's uncle officiated for us. Before the ceremony, he told us his theory of love and marriage. He said many, if not most people, view marriage as two becoming one, but that's not accurate, healthy, or stable over time.”
They continued, “He said it's not two becoming one. It's two becoming three; there's each of us as separate individuals, and then us together as its own creation. Each of those three needs love and care, and attention. I've found it incredibly hopeful, helpful, and healthy advice.”
2. Getting Married Is Easy. Staying Married Is Hard
Spidey209 said, “Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Get help if things seem too hard. My wife and I carried a lot of childhood trauma into our marriage. A counselor helped us understand that and gave us the tools to handle it. We would have divorced without the help.”
3. Saying, ‘Let Me Ask My Wife,' Doesn’t Mean I’m Asking Permission
Salty-Director538 shared, “Saying ‘let me ask my wife' doesn’t mean I’m asking permission. We’re a team. We make decisions together. Also, if it’s about going to or doing something, I’m forgetful and want to ensure we haven’t already made plans.”
4. You Don't Have To Argue or Fight
Whatyouwant22 answered, “You don't have to argue or “fight.” You're different, and it's OK not to agree on everything. It would be weird if you did! I see many people fighting because they're always trying to get the other person to come around to their point of view.”
They continued, “Accept that you're different and have fun together. In addition to loving each other, you should like each other.” Finally, AbeliaGG said, “Ideally, you don't fight each other- you negotiate and discuss. You fight together on problems.”
5. Spending Time With My Wife Is neither a Burden nor a Chore
Redditor rusty_L_shackleford responded, “Spending time with my wife is neither a burden nor a chore. She was my best friend before we even started dating. I enjoy hanging out with her.”
User cr0wj4ne agreed, “Dude, yes! I wouldn't have married my husband if I didn't enjoy spending time with him. I hate when my coworkers sit around negatively talking about their spouses. I'm just there like – cool, you all sound toxic. I like my husband and look forward to chilling with him daily.”
6. A Gracious Heartfelt Apology Goes a Long Way
P0ster_Nutbag replied, “Adding on to this – make sure to accept heartfelt apologies as well. Grudges are never good in relationships. So learn to forgive your partner, especially when they've gone to the effort of apologizing and trying to be better.”
Nutella416 added, “When someone admits they're wrong, do NOT rub it in their face! That's exactly why no one will admit they're wrong. Pride destroys everything.” Finally, SnappyCappie shared, “Yes, and it's OK to admit you are wrong because we are ALL wrong sometimes. Being pigheaded and stubborn doesn't accomplish anything.”
7. It's Not You vs. Your Spouse
Capital_Ad_2489 answered, “It's not you vs. spouse. It's you and your spouse vs. the problem.” Another user agreed, “That not teaming up thing is often the root cause of divorce.”
Nrksbullet added, “By extension, not communicating. It's crazy how many people will complain about something about their marriage or spouse for YEARS to others but never bring it up to the spouse themselves. And by the time they do, usually, in an emotional fight, it is a way bigger problem than it ever needed to be.”
Finally, “We make a point of never badmouthing each other to our friends. We talk positively about each other and try to live as best friends. Raise each other, support, care for, etc.”
8. Compromise Is Not a Sign of Weakness
Rich-Diamond-9006 volunteered, “Compromise is not a sign of weakness. It is done out of respect for your spouse.” Redditor Bumblingbirdy added, “Also, not everything requires compromise. Sometimes the answer is you both do your own thing separately.”
They elaborated, “Think about a decision's impact on you and your partner before going immediately into negotiations.” Finally, AbeliaGG said, “People forget you can try one thing and do the other later. A lot of choices in life aren't mutually exclusive.”
9. Two Blankets Are Ok
Redditor Sparklingshanaya responded, “It's okay to use two blankets. No one likes to wake up with a cold bum because their spouse stole the blanket.”
One user admitted, “I wish my wife liked her own space in the bed. I woke up the other night, and she was sleeping on top of me. Literally, no part of her body was on the mattress. It was all on me. I had to yeet her across the bed to breathe.”
10. The Wedding Is Just One Day
No_Yard_736 garnered 46.1k votes, “The wedding is just one day and does not fix any issues. So instead, it goes back to the same relationship afterward. And if you're lucky, that's a good thing.” Another user added that babies do not fix relationships.
11. Common Values Matter Way More Than Common Interests
The number one response received 46.9k votes, “Common values matter way more than common interests.” One user noted, “Sometimes it's nice to have different interests and hobbies. Everyone needs time to do their own thing sometimes. It also exposes you to new things.
They continued, “For example, I will never be as interested in glass-making and art as my wife. But I enjoy seeing her passion and learning about a world I never knew existed. And she does not care about gardening but greatly appreciates getting to eat the results of it. Meanwhile, I get to spend some time in the garden or the plant store.”
What do you think? Did the married people of Reddit get this list right, or is there something else unmarried people should know? Check out these seven money secrets that everyone who is married should know right now.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.