Zombies are everywhere, folks. And, by golly, we need to make a proper survival plan, lest our brains be morphed from the brutal bite of the undead. The obvious first step is to find a vacation rental where we can hide out. Because, if we’re being honest with ourselves, most of us will want one last chance to indulge in some amenities before our brains are zombified. Here's a short list of the best vacation rentals to survive a zombie apocalypse.
HB-Oh, My! The Zombies Are Coming
Whether you believe that a zombie apocalypse is on the horizon or are just experiencing the zombification of your social media feed – they’re lurking around every corner. Most recently, the zombie zaniness is tied to HBO’s The Last of Us, an adaptation of a popular gaming series.
According to AP News, the juggernaut show logged an average of 30.4 million viewers across its first six episodes, so it’s no surprise that zombie advice is pretty easy to come by these days. For example, malls are often recommended as safe havens, with one Pennsylvania mall named one of the best hideouts for a zombie apocalypse.
Here’s the thing, though – do you want to spend your last days in a windowless mall or chillaxin’ on the patio of a vacation rental overlooking a lake?
Want To Survive a Zombie Attack? Grab a Map
Among the alarmingly ample supply of zombie experts, Richard Duarte wrote the book, Surviving Doomsday. A constant theme is the importance of shelter – not just the structure itself, but where it’s located.
“Surviving a disaster will often have more to do with where you are than with any other factor,” he says when helping the website Realtor with zombie apocalypse preparation advice.
The real estate website analyzed locations in proximity to the resources that Duarte and other experts say are essential to surviving an attack from the walking dead. Things like access to natural water sources and medical supplies (think hospitals) are helpful. On the other hand, being close to a military base – an obvious target for zombies (duh) – would not be a wise decision.
Survive vs. Thrive – Zombie Survival Done Right
Ultimately, Realtor considered 200 areas across the country and narrowed it down to ten places where you just might survive a zombie showdown.
Seeing as though this whole zombie Armageddon thing would really be a wrinkle in our travel schedules, we decided to create our own plan. To this end, we combined Realtor’s data and cross-referenced it against popular Airbnb and VRBO vacation rentals.
The result? Here are the three best vacation rentals to increase your chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse.
Embrace Five Acres of Zombie-free Serenity in Two Harbors, Minnesota
Coming in a respectable sixth place on Realtor’s zombie survival list, you’ll find Duluth, Minnesota. It’s generally accepted by zombie experts – and people fleeing for their lives – that the last place you want to be during an onslaught of undead chaos is a large city. As you might guess, that’s basically an all-you-can-eat zombie buffet. Plus, the more people, the quicker the disease of zombification spreads.
Instead, see if you can get an extended stay at White Pine Waters – a quick 40-minute jaunt from Duluth. It’s remote enough to feel relaxing, yet still has access to the town’s resources.
The rental sits on five wooded acres along the Stewart River, a bonus in two survival categories. First, the river allows for a boat escape to Lake Superior, and it’s also known for its tasty trout – a much-needed food source. Plus, there’s a meditation area and a nearby municipal airport.
Just repeat the mantra “I am Zen, not Zombie,” and then hope you can hot-wire one of those little airplanes.
Trick Zombies at This Vacation Rental With a Hidden Room
Although Lynchburg, Virginia, comes in at #10 on Realtor’s list, we’re giving this nearby VRBO rental a boost in the rankings. Massanutten is 90 miles north of Lynchburg, and there you’ll find a three-bedroom vacation rental with one of the most highly coveted zombie survival resources – a hidden room.
Our research brought us into the undead realm of expertise at Zombie Research Society. After a collective sigh of relief, we’re happy to share that there is no need to smear yourself with zombie guts to throw them off your scent. They’re confident; zombies can’t smell you.
The organization’s advisory board includes a Harvard Medical School professor, a professor of epidemiology at Kent State, and a Director of Forensic Neuropathology at the Boston Office of the Massachusetts Medical Examiner. The point is that these folks are serious about analyzing hypothetical zombie scenarios.
The confirmation that zombies can’t smell you means you can wile away the days of the undead feast-a-thon in a secret room hidden in plain sight behind a bookcase. Plus, the property itself is located within the grounds of Massanutten Resort, so in between zombie attacks, you can enjoy the waterpark or squeeze in a round of golf.
Book This Lubbock, Texas, Airbnb for Prime Access to Survival Supplies
Choosing the right vacation rental to survive a zombie takeover is more than just trying to replicate iconic Instagram locations from The Last of Us. If the rotting flesh hits the fan, you’ll want to choose an area with medical supplies. That might be pharmacies or hospitals, for example.
Luckily, the location that snagged the #1 spot on Realtor’s list of zombie survival locations is Lubbock, Texas. There you’ll find a whole-home rental that sleeps ten guests, and guess where it’s located? Right smack dab in the middle of the Medical District, with two nearby hospitals.
The property also checks the self-defense box since Texas has ample firing ranges where you can set up zombie scarecrows for some target shooting. You’ll want to prepare for the big showdown, even if it’s just a Nerf-style distraction.
Mostly, though, we imagine your time will be spent making the most of your apocalypse rations in the beautiful open-concept kitchen – or maybe journaling about your feelings for the undead in the dedicated workspace.
Read The Fine Print
In the end – the literal end — the goal isn’t to simply survive the zombie attack but do it in style and comfort. If you play your cards right, you can outsmart the zombies and still have plenty of energy to leave an excellent review for the host. Pro tip: read the fine print on that security deposit. It’s gonna get messy.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.