Ultimately, you may want respect, more flexibility, a better relationship, to undo a stereotype you’ve been cast in, to position the team to succeed, or to show them that their behavior is unacceptable.
If you open with this, it makes the discussion about you and not them. Also, posing this as a question to which they agree with positions them to listen. There is no accusation implied in this question.
Stick with your feelings about what happened. Nobody can argue your feelings. Follow the opening question with how you feel about what was said or done. Give only the facts about what they said or did.