The behavior is toxic, but it's not uncommon for partners to spy on each other if they suspect their significant other is cheating. But for as hurt as they usually are just by thinking they're being cheated on, being confronted with the cold, hard truth is usually worse.
However, for one woman, her husband's infidelity didn't put him in someone else's bed. He was satisfying a different appetite, and now she wants to know if she was wrong for spying on him.
The Good Food Rule
When he was growing up, OP's husband and his siblings had one rule they all had to follow: the person who served the food was not allowed to choose their plate first. If there was a cake, and one person cut it into slices, they could not be the one to pick first, in case they intended to pick the biggest slice. OP thought it was a great way to ensure fairness.
Her husband suggested they implement the rule in their own family, and since she liked it, OP didn't mind. Since they had toddlers, the rule only applies to them now anyway.
OP tries to keep the portions as even as possible when she dishes food, so neither of them gets a bigger portion, especially with steak. But she had a feeling her husband was not as faithful in that department.
A Sneaking Suspicion
OP is fond of cheese, and she suspected her husband has been using it for his benefit. She suspected he was hiding more meat in one plate, and putting more cheese on the other, knowing the one with more cheese would be her choice.
One night, she played his game. She told him she wanted to call a friend when she truly wanted to watch him as he filled up the plate. “My suspicions were confirmed when I saw him drop considerably more of the juiciest, thickest steak into one plate, hide it with mash and a sad sprinkling of cheese on top,” OP said.
When it was time to choose, OP chose the one with more meat, and, “his little face just DROPPED.” She asked what was wrong, and he said, “I thought you liked the one with more cheese?” OP replied, saying she wasn't in a cheesy mood. During the meal, her husband looked so disappointed watching her eat. She eventually told him she knew about the whole cheese thing.
He acknowledged he was wrong for that, but she was just as wrong for spying on him.
Is She Wrong for Spying?
OP and her husband decided to let Reddit judge the case, and so far the growing consensus is that OP is NTA. One Redditor suggests that if he was hiding this, he is just as likely to hide other things:
“NTA. Observing food preparation in your own kitchen' is not even spying, FFS. Although now that you know what kind of a person your husband is, I would absolutely suggest spying on him.”
Another suggests her husband lacks integrity:
“NTA. Your husband has shown he's willing to repeatedly trick you in order to ensure he gets what he wants, at your expense. Sure it was just a plate (of juicy, delicous meat chunks), but that's not the point. If your husband had integrity, he would have behaved the same way if you were watching or not, so don't let him say you're in the wrong for spying. I don't think this is the innocent “how should we hang the toilet paper roll” type of question you think it is.”
u/Childflayer thinks it's much more serious than most people think it is:
“I'm surprised how many people think this is funny or ‘playful.' He broke established house rules, deceived, concealed things from, and manipulated his wife so he could take things he wanted. Then he had the gall to say she shares blame/a–holishness for catching him doing it.
It says a lot about his character and about how much respect he has for her.”
Trust is the foundation of every good relationship, like food, even in the simplest, funniest cases. When one catches their partner, it can plant seeds of doubts in their mind. Here, do you think OP was wrong to spy on her husband? How would you have approached the situation if you were in her shoes?
This thread inspired this post.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.
Boloere Seibidor, fondly called B.S. is a Nigerian-based writer and poet. Her favorite topics to cover include music, especially Hip-Hop, film, lifestyle, and fashion. She's been published by Feral Journal, Fantasy Magazine, The Temz Review, and most notably, Wealth of Geeks. She enjoys romantic dinners, movie nights, and touring new sites. When she's not writing, she's delving back in time to the underground world of Hip-Hop, watching TikTok, or visiting the cinema.