Marital Discord: Does He Really Need to Compromise To Make His Marriage Work?

Reddit user u/PaySea3694, OP,  has been married for almost three years to a fellow military member, and they are both on active duty. Before they got married, they agreed to never have kids. Another thing the couple agreed on was pets. The deal was they could own pets only when they owned a home. OP wants to take a voluntary overseas deployment but expects her spouse to care for the dogs he doesn't want. Should he compromise?

The Back Story

Since they are on active duty, they rent in the place they are assigned to.

Fast forward six months later, and OP started developing puppy fever she couldn't brush off. She begged to get a dog until her spouse agreed.

That didn't go the way OP had in mind. After they picked their first puppy together, her spouse didn't have much experience as a dog person, so she was the primary caregiver.

After OP admitted that taking care of puppies was very expensive, she went on to say that she wanted another dog after a while. She said, “Fast forward, I just really wanted to have another dog and it just happened that someone we know was giving up their dog. I was able to convince my husband to adopt him and we picked up the dog together still.”

While they were on their way to pick this new dog up, her husband kept saying that he was still not ready to own dogs, how he might never be, and how he only gave in because he wanted to make her happy.

Here's The Issue

OP got an opportunity to volunteer for a six-month deployment, and she eagerly wanted to go for the experience. She thought her husband would be excited because it would ease their financial strain, but he maintained that he was not ready to take care of both dogs.

She tried explaining that he would not be the sole person responsible for them, as she would get a walker and put them in daycare.

Still, he did not want to help. Instead, he preferred if they were boarded somewhere else, which, according to her, defeated the purpose of saving money.

OP ended up saying, “I get that it is optional for me, but I feel like I am really missing an opportunity if I don’t take it. AITA for wanting him to compromise with me?”

Redditors Were Not on OP's Side

Reddit user u/travelkmac said: “YTA. He has already compromised getting a dog before you were in a permanent home. Compromise is both coming together and giving something towards the goal/issue. You just want him to go along with your decisions.”

Another user u/razkachar had this to say also: “YTA. You twisted his hand and manipulated him into getting both dogs, now you want to up and leave him with them and you think HE should be the one to compromise?

“Selfish and manipulative, your actions are.”

“Stop steamrolling over his opinions and pretending you’ve reached a mutual agreement.”

“I would almost say ESH because he has basically allowed himself to be walked all over, however on this specific issue, he is totally correct.

“You took on the responsibility, now you think you can just handball it away for your own career progression. That type of selfish behaviour is how you end up single, and is something you’ll need to seriously work on if you ever do intend to have kids.”

A Reddit user u/Sunsess38 had a different opinion. The user said that OP's husband might not be a teammate and that he is weak for not saying no to the second puppy.

The user went on to say that her husband could also be jealous of the opportunity she got. In a bid to advise OP, he said,

“Go there and spend the extra money on the dog care. Then you will have time to think about this during the 6 months and see if you want the dogs in your life or a disappointing man who would not be able to cover you for a minimum… NTA, but I must say I cannot be so sure that your hb is AH. You married quite young and manhood is quite a thing in the military so I doubt I would not take it as a warning about his position in gender roles for the future…But not necessarily as AH, just not compatible in the long run.”

Although it seemed like most users disagreed with OP and believed that she was TA, a handful disagreed that she was NTA.

What about you? What do you think? Was she wrong, or should her husband compromise more?

Read the full story on Reddit here.

This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.

Boloere Seibidor, fondly called B.S. is a Nigerian-based writer and poet. Her favorite topics to cover include music, especially Hip-Hop, film, lifestyle, and fashion. She's been published by Feral Journal, Fantasy Magazine, The Temz Review, and most notably, Wealth of Geeks. She enjoys romantic dinners, movie nights, and touring new sites. When she's not writing, she's delving back in time to the underground world of Hip-Hop, watching TikTok, or visiting the cinema.