Sometimes the ‘best-laid plans' don't turn out quite the way we imagine. Expecting everyone to understand your perspective can, and usually does, lead to disaster.
Redditor @NaturalCauliflower38 is learning this first-hand after she chose to prioritize her own grief and comfort.
Here's The Story
OP is a 63-year-old woman whose husband died suddenly and unexpectedly. He was 64 years old.
She had a hard upbringing, dealing with a hypochondriac mother who would often subject her and her siblings to the funerals of strangers. According to OP, her mother would even lie to attend funerals she read about in the paper.
OP says that because they lived in a mainly “Catholic” area, many of the caskets of funerals they attended were open — something that still haunts her today. She tries to avoid them whenever possible.
Knowing this, her husband made a comment once, offhandedly, that he wouldn't be offended or sad if she didn't come to his funeral as long as she mourned him in her own way. When the day came, and she discussed it with her children, they wanted her to do what was best for her.
So OP skipped her husband's funeral.
Now, she's getting nasty emails from her husband's family that she's “selfish” and are saying she “abandoned her children.” Relatives also said that her children were inconsolable at the funeral. That the children flew all the way for the funeral just to be “let down” by their mother.
OP is wondering if she should have just “sucked it up” for the sake of her husband's family.
@CheapToe thinks OP's in the clear.
“Your husband said you didn't have to go. Your children said you didn't have to go. NTA.”
@RoastBeefWithMustard thinks OP shouldn't feel the need to explain herself.
“For all they know she wasn't there because she was literally sick with grief. Heartless to judge, and none of their business.”
@CharcuterieMilliner said it best.
“Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.”
User @Fun-Office-2954 is ‘sorry for OP's loss.'
“I agree. You're NTA, OP. I'm very sorry for your loss. I know that has to be devastating. No one can tell another person how to grieve. Your husband and children made their thoughts on the matter clear, and you honored them.”
@Natural_Writer9702 wants to know who writes ‘hateful emails to a grieving widow.”
“And what kind of people send hateful emails to a grieving widow? They were not privy to the conversations about funerals OP had with her husband and kids and there is no “right” was to mourn. That says a lot more about them than it does about OP.”
Redditor @Trishas_Toe agrees, letting OP shouldn't worry about anyone but her children and herself.
“These are really the only people's wishes you should have been concerned with. One thing that sucks about death is almost everyone will tell you what you should do, extended family, friends, and even those that aren't so close to you. The only thing that matters is making sure you take care of yourself & your children and that small circle knows your needs best OP. Don't let anyone else tell you guys how you should grieve or act during this time.”
In The End
Grief is its own badge, and everyone wears it differently. Do you think OP did the right thing regarding her husband's funeral?
Read the full story here.
This article is produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.